Icha Icha Paradise: A Heavenly Collection
by Fusiko
Summary: A set of random stories involving Kakashi's beloved books and his unfortunate students.
1. Chapter 1: An Icha Icha Misfortune

**A/N:** Oh new story…well stories. I was bored and figured hey I don't write any comedies…actually I'm not very good at comedies so I figured let's work on that. So here I am, working on that. I wrote this one actually like a month ago and then forgot about it till I found it again today. So basically this will just be a bunch of stories put together with a common theme. Icha Icha Paradise hehe. So enjoy and forgive me if I'm not funny, because I'm not.

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An Icha Icha Misfortune

**"How was I supposed to know this was going to happen?" 

"How could you not?"

"Dobe."

Team 7 stood in front of what had been Kakashi's secret stash of books. Somehow Naruto had found them by accident while he was "training". To say the least they didn't survive the encounter.

"You're going to get it." Sakura said already imagining how their teacher would react when he discovered the pile of paper pieces that used to be his precious collection of Icha Icha Paradise. Naruto began to sweat; already his nerves were on edge. What was he going to do? Obviously he couldn't replace them. He had no idea just how many there had been originally.

"He'll be coming back soon." Sasuke remarked glancing at the clock on the wall. This only led Naruto to sweat further, his eyes darting back and forth around the room.

"Well Naruto it was nice knowing you." Patting his back, Sakura made for the door.

"Hey where are you going?" Naruto asked a slight panic filling in his voice as his hand, outstretched twitched.

"I'm leaving."

"What?" Looking next to her he spotted Sasuke reaching for the door. "You too!" Sasuke merely looked annoyed not wanting to respond. Like Sakura, he didn't want to be around to see Kakashi's reaction upon his arrival. "You can't leave me here!" Naruto whined causing both his teammates to wince.

"Sure we can." Sakura responded rubbing her hurting ears. "_You_ were the one snooping and _you_ were the one that found them and _you_ were the one that destroyed them with _your_ attack whatever it's called."

"Rasengan!" Naruto piped, annoyed at his attack being ignored in such a way.

"Whatever, it's all _your_ fault and _your_ problem." Sakura finished putting as much emphasize in his direction of the blame as she could, just as Sasuke slowly inched closer to the door having earlier been pulled back by Naruto. He was so close, oh yes he could almost feel his freedom. Naruto protested, sticking fully with his story, it was an accident, a grand misunderstanding, a mishap, an unfortunate event, completely ignorant to Sasuke's slow movements towards his freedom. Finding no sympathy whatsoever from his pink-haired teammate, he decided to try and get Sasuke on his side when he noticed the Uchiha halfway out the door.

"No!" Jumping at the boy Naruto clung onto his legs, holding on for dear life. Sasuke, taken aback by the blonde's actions began to shake his leg furiously trying to shake off the persistent boy.

"Naruto, get off!" Sasuke growled shaking his leg even harder, only leading to Naruto clinging on for dear life. Sasuke moved about their sensei's apartment furiously working to get his leg Naruto free, but nothing seemed to work. Sakura growing angry every second, her fury becoming more and more evident, due to two reasons that she found clearly valid for her anger, one Naruto was being annoying, as usual and two she should be the only one to cling to Sasuke's leg.

"Naruto!" Swinging her fist, Sakura aimed for Naruto, who having heard her familiar "Naruto death cry" as he had begun to call it over time had seen her coming. Fearing for his life, he let go of Sasuke's leg just as Sasuke kicked it up. The lack of weight making him lose his balance, Sasuke fell forward, getting the full force of Sakura's punch.

Time froze as three troubled children lay sprawled in their sensei's apartment. Sakura's anger having subsided instantly, stared in horror, seeing Sasuke twitching on the ground, his eye turning an odd shade of purple, every second getting darker. "Sasuke-kun!" She cried having realized what she's done. "Gomen!" Naruto on the ground far from the two burst out laughing, fully enjoying the sight in front of him, Sakura's head whipped around, her eyes shining with a fury that shut up the kyuubi-vessel so fast he bit his tongue, which in turn earned him to jump to his feet dancing about in pain. Knocking into the chair behind it, it was pushed back hitting the shelf near it, which then knocked it over. Naruto oblivious to the extra mess he was now contributing to his previous kept his dancing, babbling about his tongue. Sakura forgetting about Naruto and Sasuke for the second watched as the shelf seemingly in slow motion dropped to the ground with a crash spilling all it's contents about.

Rising from his stupor Sasuke's hand reached for his hand eye. Groaning, he was surprised it hurt him so much. He would now know to never make his rose haired teammate angry…ever. He wasn't sure he'd survive the second encounter. Hearing his groan Sakura turned back to Sasuke spilling a string of apologies and explanations.

Dancing, apologizing and muttering, it went on all three having forgotten about the original problem at hand until the clock struck the new hour, the chime bringing all to a silence. Three pair of eyes slowly turned to the clock, their eyes growing wide as they remembered. In a flash Sakura and Sasuke raced for the door, determined to flee the scene before they could be pinpointed to any of the mess that surrounded them. Naruto seeing them run away leapt towards them grabbing onto both their legs begging for them to stay with him.

"Let go!"

"Naruto!"

"Don't leave me!"

All three struggled, fighting desperately, two to rid themselves of their human chain, one determined to keep them their with him at all costs.

"No!"

"I'm going to kill you!"

"That goes double!"

Rolling about blind to anything bought their current goals they struggled on. Rolling left then rolling right, kicks flying left and right.

"Let…go!"

"Dobe!"

"You can't leave me!"

"Shut up!" They both cried kicking at him harder stopping only when they heard a surprised hmmm coming from behind them. Three heads turned, their eyes slowly looking up. Two legs, dropped down as two hands let go.

---

There stood Sakura her hair no longer neatly combed; her dress crumpled looking, though not a physical scrap on her. 

There stood Naruto, his face scratched and red, his hair messed up and his clothes wrinkled and ragged looking.

There stood Sasuke, overall he appeared fine except for one eye which shined such a purple it could make you cry.

All three of them looking at the ground, guilt ranked in all their faces, though none quite like Naruto's. Around them was at one time Kakashi's apartment, but somehow in the span of thirty minutes had become a site of a battlefield, or so it seemed. Their sensei had been silent for 3 minutes registering the damage. His students anxiously waiting for him to beginning scolding him, they could feel it coming and the waiting was too much to bear. Slowly Kakashi's eye stopped to a pile of paper, piled quite high in one corner. Unlike the rest of the room this bothered him the most. He never recalled having such a collection. Making his way towards the pile, three young teens held their breath knowing where their sensei was heading.

Bending over the pile Kakashi picked up one of the pages, his eyes scanning its content. Three sizes, that's how wide his eye grew realizing this seemingly meaningless pile was his precious, precious collection of books. Dropping down to his knees he clutched at the papers, wailing loudly at his sudden loss. Three heads turned a look of confusion and shock reflected in their eyes. Bringing the papers closer, Kakashi hugged the papers tightly wailing even louder than before. Slowly three very guilty figures inched to the door, quietly exited the room. Shutting the door behind them all three breathed a sigh of relief, they were fine now. Looking up, their faces drained of color. There before them stood a very angry Kakashi, pointing back inside his apartment.

---

**Three days, three hours and three minutes later**

"That's the wrong page Naruto." Kakashi pointed out to the very disturbed boy. Groaning, Naruto began to undue the stitching he had just spent two hours working on. Next to him were Sakura and Sasuke both equally disturbed and equally annoyed. In front of them was the huge pile of Icha Icha Paradise pages, of which they had only managed to correctly find and put together three volumes.

_I'm going to kill him!_ Sakura thought, trying her best to avoid reading the contents she held. _My fingers…the needles…no ramen…_ Naruto droned in his mind, having pricked himself yet again. Sasuke twitched every so often, feeling his brain slowly turning to mush as his eyes managed to land on the most descriptive parts of the pages. _Death…just you wait…Naruto._ Kakashi beamed, picking one of the finished ones up. "Ah this one's my favorite." Opening to the first page, he began to read. "Only 17 more to go." He received three very distressed groans in reply.


	2. Chapter 2: An Icha Icha Misunderstanding

**A/N: Took me a while to finish this up mainly cuz I've been lazy. It turned out a little differently than I had originally planned but that's ok.**

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**_An Icha Icha Misunderstanding: Say It Isn't So!_**

"Ah Sasuke Perfect timing." The Uchiha stopped looking over to see his sensei hovering over him.

"Hn." Was all he uttered.

"Right." Smiling through his mask Kakashi shoved something into the boy's chest, forcing him to grab it or else it would fall to the ground. "Hold on to that for me. I have to go somewhere so I want to make sure it's in good hands." Leaning forward his frown faded into the mask. "I hope you take good care of it for me. I'd hate for anything to happen to it. I wouldn't want to do something…unpleasant because of it." Leaning back his smile appeared once again. "Till later then." Sasuke about to protest was left standing alone. Groaning he looked down to see what he was left to care for. He couldn't imagine what could be so important that Kakashi felt the need to have someone taking care of it. Twitching he leapt back, falling to the ground as the little orange book flipped wildly into the air, quickly making it's way to the ground. Kakashi's warning ringing in the Uchiha's ears, he scrambled to his feet, hastily catching the tiny book. This was going to be a bad day, he knew it.

---

Clutching to the book, Sasuke looked about not wanting to be seen. Of all the things, all of them Kakashi had to leave him that. Just the notion of the thought was sickening, but the fact that it was a reality left his stomach in upsetting knots. But it would be fine; he just had to hold on to the tiny book for a few hours he guessed. As long as he stayed clear from anyone he knew it would be fine. All he had to do was avoid…

"Sasuke-kun!" He cringed at the high pitched call. Just great out of all the people that had to appear now of all times, hiding the book behind him quickly he tried to think of how to hid it but wasn't given enough time. The pink haired kunoichi waved enthusiastically at the boy before quickly making her way over to him. "Hi Sasuke-kun. I didn't expect to see you here. I thought you were going to spend the day training."

"Hn." Trying his best to remain calm, Sasuke casually inched the book behind him more so it was completely out of sight. "Change my mind." Sakura nodded, practically screaming her head off inside.

_Cha! Yeah now I can spend time with him!_ Smiling brightly at him, her large green eyes caught sight of his hand movement. "Oh what do you have there? Did you buy something?" Sasuke froze, his left brow twitching violently. Sakura leaned forward trying to get a better look at what he was hiding, only able to catch a glimpse of something orange. _A book? I didn't think Sasuke-kun read much._ Taking a step back the Uchiha muttered something about training and sped off. Quickly bring the book back to the front to avoid having Sakura see it. More than a little puzzled Sakura stood alone staring at the now long gone Uchiha. "That…was strange. I wonder what he was reading." She had managed to get a small glimpse of the title but only read a single word. "Icha. That's a weird title for a bo…" Orange. Icha. Sakura froze on the spot. "Eh!" Every bit of color drained from the girl's face as the realization of Sasuke's hidden item dawned on her. Stuck to the spot a breeze blew past her, as a tiny dust ball rolled in front of her.

---

Exhaling now completely annoyed the dark haired shin obi folded the troublesome book and shoved it into his back pocket. So far his day was going as he thought it would, terribly. Now he had to make certain to avoid everyone else at all costs. He would do so, even it if killed him. "Oi, teme!" The fates were cruel, too cruel. Naruto jogged up to his teammate, a little jump in his step. "Hey teme lend me some money."

"No." Naruto frowned not at all happy with the lack of hesitation in the reply.

"Don't be cheap, I just need a little."

"No." Walking past the loud blonde Sasuke rubbed his temples feeling a headache wanting to start. Refusing to be brushed off so easily Naruto followed him, his pleas beginning to wear the Uchiha down. "Fine!"

"Yahoo!" Sighing Sasuke wondered why he even bothered associating with him. They may be teammates but that didn't mean they'd have to spend every second with each other. He really was cursed.

---

Slurping up his ramen happily Naruto babbled about the ramen's greatness while a very aggravated Uchiha sat next to him. He wasn't sure how but somehow he was conned into joining the hyper-active ninja for lunch, his treat of course. Looking down at his own bowl Sasuke did his best to ignore Naruto, though that was proving to be difficult. Finishing his second bowl Naruto looked over at Sasuke wondering if he'd be able to convince him to treat him to a third, when something brightly colored caught his eye. Focusing, he realized it was a book, but not just any book but the same type of book that their sensei was often spotted reading. Grinning mischievously to himself Naruto chuckled to himself. Hearing him, Sasuke turned to him in question. Leaning closed to the raven haired boy Naruto nudged him lightly with his elbow. "Saa Sasuke, so are they any good?" Sasuke stared back at Naruto blankly.

"What?" Naruto chuckled once again, the sound beginning to bother Sasuke even more.

"So that's what you do when you're alone huh?" Sasuke was more than a little dumbfounded.

"Naruto." His temper was rising, no longer wanting to deal with him any longer, Sasuke's teeth clenched tightly as he held back the urge to beat the boy there and now. "Stop being stupid. What are you talking about?" Chuckling still Naruto pointed to the book. Looking behind him Sasuke didn't quite get follow what he was talking about when a sudden vision of the orange book popped in his mind. Brows furrowed, Sasuke tried to pass it off as nothing. After all he had no reason to explain himself to Naruto, he knew that, he really knew that but the thought bothered him greatly. "It's not like that dobe."

"Right, of course not." Naruto chimed with a bit of laughter behind it. Slamming his hand onto the counter Sasuke turned to Naruto, his dark eyes threatening to turn red. Too busy holding back his giddy laughter Naruto paid him no mind, his mind already planning on how to bring this up to Sakura. Feeling his headache worsen Sasuke rose up abruptly and left. Disregarding Naruto's irritating chuckling. The day was too long indeed.

---

The next morning Sasuke still sour about the day before was just glad Kakashi had finally taken the wretched book back. Hands shoved deeply into his pockets a hint of still irritated air hung around him. Approaching the familiar bridge Sasuke stopped a little ways from the rosy headed girl. "Morning Sasuke-kun." She greeted him shyly.

"Hn." Glancing over at her he noticed a fairly large strip of pink across her cheeks; he eyes avoid looking at him directly.

"Oi, Sakura-chan! Ero-teme! Ohayo!" Sasuke's eyes burst open in sheer surprise before he shot is deadliest look at Naruto, the blush on Sakura's already flushed face deepened. A loud poof was heard behind the trio followed by a much over used excuse that fell on deaf ears. Blinking rather astonished at the lack of two voices yelling at him Kakashi peered at the three youngsters to find Sakura's face very flushed, Naruto grinning & laughing while giving lewd jokes to the Uchiha whose expression was a crossing of embarrassment and pure hatred, a tiny hue of red pigmenting his pale cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3: An Icha Icha Treasure Hunt

**A/N: Finally got around to updating this. Not sure how many more I'm going to add to this before I end it. We'll see. This one came out a little longer than I planned, but that's ok. Again don't own the characters. I'd be waaay richer if I did.

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_An Icha Icha Treasure Hunt: Curiosity Costs...A Lot._

It would have seemed to have been a normal day. Anyone else that would have stepped out of their home would have thought so. The sky was clear, the clouds were sparse and the sun was shining brightly. Yes all in all it was quite a nice day. And yet it was an odd day, yes odd described it quite well for the three shinobi who were waiting for their very tardy sensei. "It's strange."

"What is?"

"It doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't?"

"Of all places."

"Ne, ne, what are you talking about?"

"Why here?"

"What do you mean here?" The pink haired girl sighed looking over at the questioning blond as a pair of onyx eyes rolled in an annoyed fashion. Ok, so only two of the shinobi found the day to be odd.

"Sometimes I wonder how it was you graduated." The boy mentioned scowled as he plopped down on the ground crossing his arms. He muttered a few cross words to himself but Sakura chose to ignore them. Her mind was more occupied with their current situation rather than her teammate's overabundant stupidity. Looking over at Sasuke, Sakura wondered whether or not he had figured anything out, but by the look of his face though she thought otherwise.

"He's late."

"He's always late."

"I know that!"

"Then why say it dobe." Naruto shot beams of death to the Uchiha of which he only replied with a smirk. That only caused for Naruto's anger to enrage. Jumping to his feet he charged at Sasuke with the full intention of breaking his neck, when an all too familiar "poof" was heard, along with the customary greeting. The only difference this time was the gloved hand now over Naruto's head keeping him in place and unable to advance with his attack. Seething with anger Naruto struggled to break free from his sensei's hold but to no avail. Ignoring his hot headed student Kakashi turned to the other two, a smile apparent through his dark mask, a much more cheerful and pleasant one that was quite noticeable to the two shinobi as they confirmed it silently to themselves with a glance towards each other.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes Sakura."

"Why are we meeting here?" His cheerful smile stayed molded in the dark cloth.

"For a mission." The pink haired girl nodded but wasn't satisfied with the answer.

"Right, but why here?" Tilting his head inquisitively, he feigned not understanding her meaning, relaxing his hand on the blonde who inadvertently calmed down forgetting his earlier anger, now focused on his pink haired teammate.

"What do you mean Sakura-chan? We're here for a mission? Ne, ne what kind of mission is it anyways?" Is it a good one? Huh? Huh?" Kakashi's grin broadened a tad, a point missed by one, seen by two.

"Yes, you could say it's a very good one." Sakura still bothered by her question tried again.

"Kakashi-sensei, why are we _here, _by the stone carvings of the Hokage's instead of our usual meeting place?" A light bulb finally turned on in Naruto's head as he glanced over at the stone carvings.

"Eto, now that you mention it why are we here?" Sasuke sighed in annoyance at how slow the boy was. The question went unfazed by the silver-haired jounin. Instead of answering the question he stood tall, that overly cheerful grin radiating ever more, or so it seemed.

"I'm glad you asked." Reaching into his back pocket her pulled out a sheet of paper. Bending forward he handed it to her, figuring it would answer her question well enough.

"What's this?"

"What does it look like?"

"A map."

"Exactly." Sasuke and Naruto peered from either side of the girl to inspect the map, and then looked up at their teacher in question, his pleasant smile, now having a slightly irritating quality to it. "Yes?"

"It's a map of Konoha."

"Correct." Team 7 stared at the map still not quite understanding what was being insinuated.

"Eto, why do we need a map of the village if we know its layout?"

"Good question." Standing their growing a little more impatient with every passing second they stared up with his one closed eye and his sickeningly happy smile.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes Sakura?"

"What is our mission?" Done stringing his students alone, he finally gave them a straight forward answer.

"Your mission is a B ranked one."

"A B ranked! Yosh! What are we doing? What are we doing?" Naruto questioned hopping from one foot to the other in excitement. They had yet to do any missions of that rank and he was itching to begin. Sasuke intrigued by the sudden elevation of rank was curious as to why. They had completed a series of D & C ranked missions but he knew very well that they were not qualified for any higher, well with the exception of himself of course, he thought arrogantly. This very same notion occurred to Sakura, of which she thought admiringly Kakashi's smile, which they had all thought couldn't get any wider grew, holding back for a slight dramatic effect, enjoying their expressions much to his amusement finally answered.

"A treasure hunt."

-----

"It's supposed to be around here somewhere?" Sakura said looking from the map then to their surroundings. Sasuke searching from a top a medium sized building amply searched the area for the small chest. "Do you see it Sasuke-kun?" His exasperated expression more than answered her question. Sighing she studied the map again.

"This is stupid. It's not even a mission." Naruto grumbled unhappily to himself sitting on a rock.

"Naruto, if you're not going to help be quiet!" Sakura spat, aggravated at being unable to find the first chest. Jumping down, Sasuke looked about noticing nothing out of the ordinary. Why was it so difficult? The first one was supposedly out in the open and yet he only saw a few empty stalls, closed doors and random growing weeds.

"Why do we have to search for these chests anyways?" Naruto inquired, kicking a small pebble aside. Sakura sighed not wanting to deal with Naruto's whining.

"Because Kakashi-sensei said so."

"It's a waste, we should be training." Sasuke for once had to agree with the blonde much to dislike. He couldn't imagine what benefits this treasure hunt could possibly offer them.

---

_"Treasure hunt?" Three very stunned voices chorused in question. Nodding, his one visible eye closed as he proceeded to give them their instructions._

_"It's simple, use the map to find the three chests. When you're finished bring them back here." Three pairs of eyes stared at their teacher in wonder._

_"That's it?"_

_"Yes, Sakura that's it."_

_"Find three chests?"_

_"Yes." Still unable to believe their task was so simple Sakura decided to just go with it, obviously if Kakashi-sensei planned this there was some greater point to it._

_"What's inside the chests?" Naruto asked feeling himself growing a little excited._

_"Treasure."_

_"What kind of treasure?"_

_"Something special."_

_"Nani? __Nani,nani,nani,nani,nani?"_

_"You'll have to find them to get your answer." Naruto frowned unhappily._

_"Can we keep what's inside?"_

_"Hmmm…let's see. No."_

_"Eh!" The boy screeched. "Then what's the point?"_

_"There isn't any." This caught the Uchiha's attention. Looking over at his sensei his expression grew colder._

_"You're lying." Smirking Kakashi leaned towards the boy his one eye narrowing as his tone grew more serious._

_"Saa, maybe." Rising up his one eyes closed with a smile. "Well now go start. You have until sunset. Have fun." With a loud poof he was gone, leaving his three students behind. One looking annoyed, one looking disappointed and a little confused, and the last thoroughly studying the map._

_"This isn't a mission is it?"_

_"No."_

---

"Mou, this is getting nowhere." Reaching her last nerve Sakura whirled around glaring lethally at Naruto.

"Naruto!-" She stopped when she caught sight of the rock Naruto was sitting on. Straightening up, she approached Naruto who was squirming nervously because of his approaching teammate. "Say was this rock always here?"

"Huh?" Three young shinobi stared at the insignificant rock.

"Out in the open huh?"

"Yeah."

"Eh…yatta!"

"Urusai!" Two voices rang in annoyance.

-----

"Let's see there's the wall by the training area, so it should be…there!" Sakura pointed ahead. Smiling happily at how quickly she had located the next chest, he face soon grew pale. "Eh!" Hearing her outburst both boys turned to see what she was making such a fuss about. "It's in there?!" Her voice screeched as she pointed dramatically at the fenced area, warning signs posted all over it. "There's no way it's in there!" She yelled turning towards the other two. Sasuke smirked, finally finding things getting interesting.

"So it's in there huh?"

"Yosh! If it's there then we'll have to get it." Grinning Naruto took a step forward.

"Chotto matte, we can't just rush in there, it's dangerous. There's got to be some sort of mistake. We can't possible go in there…" Not bothering to wait, Naruto put down the small chest he was carrying and jumped over the fence. "Baka." Sakura sighed when she noticed movement on her other side. Looking over she just caught sight of Sasuke about to follow after their impatient comrade. Reaching out, she gripped unto his arm holding him back, dropping the map, it floating lazily beside her towards the ground. "You can't go in there Sasuke-kun! You'll be killed!" Aggravated by her holding him back, he whipped around angrily when he noticed the map. Bending over he picked it up starring blankly at its content.

"Sakura."

"Yeah?"

"You read the map upside down."

"What?"

"This isn't the next spot." He dead panned. Registering his words she stared at him opened mouth just as a very loud scream echoed above them.

-----

"Gomen Naruto." Sakura smiled nervously apologizing. Naruto smiling back chuckled slightly, various bandages covering his face, a few tears in his orange attire and his hair slightly ruffled.

"It's alright. It could happen to anyone."

"Right."

"Well the next one should be…"

"Ano, Sakura-chan."

"Yeah Naruto?"

"Let me read the map."

"Huh?"

"For just in case."

-----

"It's here."

"Oi, teme you sure about that?" Naruto asked him looked at the map the Uchiha held. Ignoring him Sasuke looked around searching for a possible hiding spot. "I don't see anything." Naruto said pointing out the obvious.

"Dobe." Sasuke muttered moving away from him.

"What was that?" Naruto growled.

"I found it!" Disregarding Naruto's looming presence Sasuke turned towards Sakura, who was walking over towards them.

"Where is it?"

"It's on the other side of that fence. I think someone mistook it for something else. I can't imagine Kakashi-sensei hiding it there."

"Yosh then let's get it!" Rushing towards the fence he hopped over without a second thought.

"Naruto wait that's a…"

"Ahhhh! Pervert!"

"Women's bath." Sakura finished all too late, Sasuke shaking his head as Naruto's cries echoed in the air.

-----

"Mou Naruto, you should have waited."

"Someone should put a sign up!"

"They did!"

"Dobe."

"Urusai teme! You didn't see the sign either!"

"Yeah, I did." Huffing Naruto sat on the ground, all three chests sitting in front of him.

"He's late." Sakura mumbled to herself looking around for any sign of their silver haired teacher. Sasuke stood still, casually glancing about, hands in his pocket, waiting. Drumming his fingers against his arm, Naruto couldn't take it anymore. The sun had almost completely set and he still didn't know what was inside.

"I can't wait anymore!" Grabbing the nearest chest Naruto prepared to open it.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Huh?" Looking up, his sight met up with a spectacled one, hair white and up in a ponytail.

"You'll regret it if you do." The strange shinobi continued pushing up his glasses.

"Who are you?"

"That's not important, just don't open those chests. You'll regret it." Having said that, just as quietly as he had come he left.

"That was weird." Sakura commented, watching him growing smaller in the distance. With the warning ringing in their ears, staring down at the chest all three gulped as they imagined what could be locked inside them. Reaching a tentative hand towards the lock Naruto unlatched it finding it unlocked. "Naruto, don't open it." Sakura warned worriedly, not wanting to find out what was inside. Sasuke curious himself watched as Naruto slowly opened the lid revealing its contents. Three sets of eyes peered in, warily.

"Nani? It's just a book."

"Wait, isn't that Kakashi-sensei's…"

"Ah."

"Nani! We went through all that for this!" Grabbing the book Naruto waved it about angrily.

"Hn."

"Sonna, that makes no sense. Why would…" Sakura stopped, her gaze fixed on something ahead. Noticing her wide-eyed stare, Naruto turned to see what she was looking, only to drop the little book in surprise. Hearing the thud of the fallen bound pages Sasuke turned, catching sight of his frozen shocked teammates. Following their gazes he stumbled back, open mouth and wide eyed. "Eeyah!" Sakura screamed, her voice echoing throughout the village, reaching a slow walking jounin on his way to the stone carvings.

-----

Staring down at the ground, Kakashi shook shi head spotting the open chest and the dropped book. "Ya, I told them not to open it." Scratching his head he wondered what to do about his three passed out students laying practically lifeless on the ground, save for a few twitches here and there. Chuckling he unlocked the remaining two pulling out the following volumes. "Perhaps the Icha Icha Tactics genjutsu was a bit much."


	4. Chapter 4: An Icha Icha Curiosity

**A/N: I had written this a few days ago but I was too lazy to update. I figure I'll make at least 10 of these, but I'm not sure. We'll see. Don't Own, and if I could oh I would.

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**_Icha Icha Curiosity: A Kidnapping of Doom_**

It was true that he was a curious boy. Yes curious was the right word. It was also true that he was loud, hyper-active, mischievous, quick tempered, impatient, strong-willed and to say the least a little dim-witted. All these very much true. His personality was complex and yet so simple it was confusing. And although he was all those things, he was also quite compassionate and loyal. He understood loneliness better than anyone, at least his loneliness. He knew of another who understood it as well as he, but for very different reasons.

Now although he was a multi-listed boy in terms of personality, he displayed each one at a time and very strongly. Currently he was feeling mischievous, with an itch to pull a much needed prank, a long overdue prank.

Chuckling to himself Naruto watched as his sensei stepped out of the bookstore. There were only two times, just two when Kakashi's guard was down. This much Naruto had learned, and although he knew of the only two times, they were very, no extremely rare. That wasn't going to stop him though.

Kakashi had stopped when he caught sight of the neatly displayed window, his left hand twitching, as he tried to contain his one joy when he spotted the newly added sign. There was a sale, a big one, a really big one. Unable to contain himself he rushed to the window, feeling up on the glass as his eyes were swarmed with the various titles, his favorite series talking up most of his peripheral view.

Again the brightly clad boy chuckled, jumping from foot to foot in anticipation as he watched the white haired jounin. Just a little more and he could go. "Three, two, one!" Zipping out of his hiding spot Naruto ran past Kakashi as fast as his legs allowed him to, of which his teacher only sensed as a strong gush of wind. Grinning happily to himself, he straightened up regaining his composure. There was no point in shopping now; he had most of those which were on reduced price. First and foremost he had to finish his latest acquirement before he could indulge himself in any future purchases. Pulling out the tiny book he laughed excitedly, remembering the last chapter he had read. To say the least things were getting good, oh yes very good indeed. Opening the binded pages of perversion his hand stopped as his one eye scanned the contents unhappily. His worst nightmare had come true. His precious item…had been kidnapped.

-----

Jumping past the main buildings Naruto headed towards the nearest training area, laughing boisterously at his succeeded attempts, his tanned hands clutching unto the dirty little book. Landing on the soft grass, he trotted towards the nearest tree, and plopped down. His grin couldn't be held back as he praised himself for his genius mind. Looking down at the orange cover his grin did manage to dwindle as another of his characteristics surfaced. Curiosity.

He swallowed hard as the new thought intruded into his mind. Just what was inside this book that his sensei enjoyed so much? He knew overall it was perverted, but just how perverted were its contents and why were they so enjoyable? Again he gulped as he reached for the cover with a shaking hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Aah!" Naruto yelped surprised throwing the book upwards. Catching the flying object, Sasuke looked it over, his eye twitching when he realized what he was holding. "Sasuke-teme, what are you doing here?" If there was ever a time Naruto didn't want to see the Uchiha prodigy it was now.

"What does it look like?"

"Huh?"

"It's a training area, dobe."

"R-right." Sasuke's dark brow rose, the questionable book still in his hand. They stared long and hard at each other, neither wanting to go and mention the obvious. Embarrassing it was and neither wanted to step into that realm. Though in technicality they were "friends" there were certain things they didn't do, intruding in each others lives being the main one. What each did behind closed doors or under trees in this case, was their deal. Oh how Sasuke wished it had stayed that way. He wasn't sure he'd be able to look at the blonde anymore without getting creeped out.

"Eto, teme." Sasuke remained silent. "About that book."

"Hn."

"You see…" His voice trailed as he caught sight of Sasuke's changed expression. "No, it's not that!" He screeched knowing very well what was going through the Uchiha's mind. "I was playing a prank on Kakashi-sensei, that's it." Again he said nothing to the blonde, whose cerulean eyes looked up at him wider than any wheel he had seen, as he stared down at him. Naruto could feel sweat pouring down his neck. He really should have stayed in bed today. He really, really should have stayed in bed. "Eto…"

"I don't want to know." Naruto scratched the back of his neck, the sweat sticking to his calloused fingers as he laughed nervously. "I got a little curious as to why he's always reading them."

"I didn't want to know, nor do I care." Naruto frowned, growing more annoyed now.

"You've never been curious?"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"No." They stared at each other, eyes narrowed slightly as if to test their stubborn wills. Neither going to back down, more so for the significance of the matter.

"Uso!" Sasuke's hand twitched, growing more and more uncomfortable with the carrying conversation. If there was ever a time he wished he had stayed home it was now. He wasn't even quite sure why he had walked over in the first place. He was fine training on his own, minding his business. Then the idiot had to show up looking idiotically overjoyed. Perhaps it was when he noticed the various emotions that had crossed the blonde's face was when he grew curious. He went from ecstatic to somber back to ecstatic and then it was the last one that hooked him in. The way he stared at whatever he held. It bothered the Uchiha because it made him curious.

Naruto's eyes gleamed with victory as he displayed his toothy smile. "I knew it."

"Urusai." Naruto chuckled, enjoying the sudden shift in awkwardness.

"You're still holding it." He pointed out, as to which Sasuke quickly dropped the said book to the ground not wanting to associate with it any longer. Oh how the future hokage was enjoying this. He was relishing in it with almighty glory.

Sasuke's eyes trailed down to the Naruto and then to the matching colored book. Naruto's smile faded away as his eyes did the same. There before them was the renowned book with all its naughty grandeur. All their questions would be answered if they'd.Just.Open.It.

Both gulped nervously, glancing quickly at each other and then back down.

-----

Looking around Sakura sighed; she had been told she'd find Sasuke around here. She was hoping to get some alone time with him. She giggled at the thought, her cheeks beginning to take on the same color as her rather noticeable hair. Clutching the small lunch box tighter, she felt her heart beat a little faster at the thought of sharing lunch with the stoic boy.

Quickening her pace Sakura came upon the training area, already able to see Sasuke crouched under a tree. Her happy moment was instantly ruined by the _**thing **_crouched beside him. _Naruto._ She growled in her head. She just couldn't win.

Walking towards them she instantly realized something was odd. They were sitting next to each other, calmly, reading. _I wonder what they're…_ She never finished the thought as she stopped a few feet before them. Dropping the lunch which had taken her all morning to prepare, she stared open mouthed, wide eyed at the two, looking much like a dying fish suddenly filled with sour air.

Hearing the crash of the now ruined bento both charcoal and azure eyes rose from the word filled pages to their shocked teammate. Three very flushed faces stared at each other.

One girl's perfect dream shattered, two boy's reputations destroyed.

Too caught in their current dilemma the all too familiar 'poof' was missed as a fourth party joined in, squatting behind the mischievous ninja that had started it all. "Found you."

"Ah!" Naruto cried as he craned his neck behind him, his gaze syncing with his sensei's. A smile crept up beneath the mask. It was the last thing the boy remembered before he went flying.

"A Thousand Years of Pain!"


	5. Chapter 5: An Icha Icha Stage

_**A Performance to Remember**_

Three very obedient students waited by the same little bridge they had always waited at before setting off for missions or their daily training. When it came right down to it, they _owned_ that bridge. Now it was a seemingly normal day, Sasuke was being his silent, brooding self, Naruto was whining about something or other and dear little Sakura was debating with herself over whether or not she should shut Naruto up or try and strike up a conversation with Sasuke. Both seemed rather hopeless.

"Yo."

"You're late!"

"Ah, warui warui, you see there was this-"

"Liar!" Sasuke sighed in annoyance; it was the same, always the same. Coughing into his gloved hand, Kakashi straightened up signaling the news he was about to give. Naruto's azure eyes instantly grew wide with excitement. A mission, finally they'd get another mission.

"We've been assigned a mission-"

"Yatta!"

"Shut it Naruto!" Sakura intervened, slamming her fist onto the boy's head, bringing him back down from his momentary high. Sweatdropping Kakashi continued feeling a little sorry for the boy.

"Right, as I was saying, it's a D-ranked miss-"

"Nani! Why is it so low? We should be getting…" A dark look from the pink haired girl shut him up.

"So what's the mission Kakashi-sensei?" He smiled, waiting in anticipation of their reactions.

"You're to perform a play for Konohamaru's birthday."

"A play?!" Naruto cried out unhappily, the words spilling from his mouth as if they were the foulest thing on earth. Even the normally uninterested Uchiha turned his head in alarm. There were many things he was willing to do, but acting was definitely not one of them. Kakashi chuckled enjoying their reactions fully.

"Uh, say Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes Sakura."

"Do we _all_ have to participate in it?" The jounin nodded pulling out his favorite little book.

"The scripts should be here soon enough." Turning the page, he immersed himself into the story pulling his attention away from his still mortified students. It wasn't long when the clinking sounds of footsteps approached, as a white haired man approached the group.

"Eh, ero-sennin? What are you doing here?"

"Ah Naruto."

"This is quite unexpected." Kakashi commented peering over his book.

"Kakashi." He regarded the jounin with a nod.

"Don't tell me _you're_ here to give us the scripts!" Naruto yelled in shock.

"Scripts? No, I'm not."

"Then why are you here?" Jiraiya grinned as he glanced down at the blonde.

"Business Naruto, business." Naruto eyed the Sannin suspiciously.

"More like something perverted if you ask me." Coughing, he disregarded the comment before continuing.

"I'm meeting with my publisher to discuss my new project."

"New project?" Sakura asked looking up at the white haired shinobi.

"Mmmm, yes it should be something quite good for my fans." Kakashi's ears perked at this tidbit of into but remained focused in his book.

"What kind of project?"

"Don't ask Sakura-chan, it's just something perverted." Glaring down at the boy, they both were at a stand still as a fine electrical spark shot between them.

"Sorry I'm late." Breaking between the two, Shizune tried to regain her breath.

"Shizune-neechan."

"Here are your scripts. Ah Jiraiya-sama, I thought you had somewhere important to be right now?"

"Un, I almost forgot." Waving his farewell, the white haired Sannin departed leaving the group at the bridge.

"Ano, Nee-chan were you talking to ero-sennin earlier or something?"

"Un, he stopped by to drop off your scripts."

"Eh!" Naruto screeched, his eyes bulging slightly out of his head. Now there was really no way he'd be accepting this mission.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama had him write something for the party at the academy. She looked it over and approved of it this morning." Closing his book Kakashi looked down at his students.

"Well now that you have your scripts I suggest you go and memorize your lines. The performance is tomorrow." Grinning at them through his mask, his one eye closed. Team 7 sighed not liking this mission one bit.

"Hai."

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Sitting upon her bed, Sakura looked at the script that lay in front of her. She really wasn't happy with having to perform, but a mission was a mission. She had already wasted all the time she possibly could to avoid thinking about the dreaded play but she had soon run out of things to work on. "Might as well get this over with." Picking up the envelope, she pulled out the script her eyes moving towards the top to read the title. Instantly the only female member of team seven froze, the color having drained completely from her face. "Eeeeeh!"

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Gulping down the last of his ramen, Naruto exhaled fully satisfied, eight empty bowls piling high to his right in an unsightly stack. Feeling as though he was forgetting something, he hunched forward, straining his mind to try and recall the forgotten task. "Hmmmm, eto…eto, mmmm…"

"Naruto is this yours?" Looking up at the stand's owner, two cerulean orbs brightened as they focused on the large envelope, remembering what he was supposed to be doing.

"Souka, I have to practice my lines. Sankyuu!" Taking the envelope Naruto hopped off the stood leaving what he owed on the smooth countertop before walking away. Strolling down the street he fumbled with the envelope a bit before he was finally able to open it, and pull out the script. "Let's see…eh?" Halting abruptly, tanned fingers gripped the pages he held tightly, eyes fixed onto the words that made up the title. "Sonna bakana!"

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Finishing with the last of his training, Sasuke wiped the sweat from his brow, shifting his dark bangs a little to the left. Satisfied for the moment he glanced over to where he had left the bothersome script. He thought the entire ordeal ridiculous and a waste of time but a mission was a mission so who was he to argue. He'd just have to deal with it for the moment despite his silent objections. Making his way over he gazed down at the hateful envelope wondering how things could get any worse. It was bad enough he had to be teamed up with Naruto and Sakura but also he had to deal with sad excuses for missions.

Frowning he sat down opening the small flap, revealing the short script inside. Sighing he pulled it out figuring there was no use stalling the inevitable. Quickly glancing at the title, he turned to the first page where his fingers stiffened. There was no way he had read that correctly. Turning back he carefully re-read every word slowly, making sure his eyes were not deceiving him.

He was wrong; things could get so much worse.

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"Ah Jiraiya-sama, you're late."

"Yoshiro-san, gomen gomen. I bumped into the hokage's assistant on my way and then well it doesn't matter."

"I see, have you brought it?"

"But of course, I'm sure you'll find it to be to your liking. I have quite a few of these planned." The Sannin chuckled happily, as he took his seat.

"Your work has been quite impressive thus far. I'm quite a fan you know." He chuckled a bit to himself. "So let's get down to business." Nodding, the snow haired shinobi brought out his envelope, pulling out the script for his oncoming project.

"Hm?"

"Is something wrong?" Staring at the tile, the Sannin was filled with confusion. Something was wrong with it, very wrong. Puzzled by Jiraiya's silence, his publisher gazed down at the title.

"Little red riding shinobi? That's an interesting title there."

"Iie, this isn't the right one. Mine is called…"

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And now for what you've been waiting patiently for!" Iruka began as every student from the academy sat before the stage as well as various other shinobi who had heard of the news, amongst them the rookies and their sensei's. The room had been decorated accordingly, balloons and streamers taking up every possibly corner and then some. Konohamaru seated up front in the center so he could get the best view.

Backstage three very uncomfortable ninjas stared hard at the wooden floor, too embarrassed to look each other in the eye, their faces fully flushed. "Give a warm welcome to team seven and their performance in…huh?" Iruka gazed down at the title they had written down for him. "One…steamy…night…Icha Icha Style?"


End file.
